Christopher and Danelle Cowan Beat Child for Potty Training Accident
In San Antonio, Texas, police arrested Christopher James Cowan, and his wife, Danelle Cowen after police received a report from salon workers that their two-year-old daughter was abused. They’ve been charged with injury to a child.
Salon employees told police the family came in for hair cuts. They saw a large bruise on the girl’s face and abrasions and burn marks on her wrists. The employees told the girl’s father that he should take her to the hospital because she looked sick. He told them the toddler was “fine as long as she was walking.”
Danelle, the stepmother, told them that the little girl had been punished for soiling her pants and that she put a hot sauce in her mouth as punishment.
Dang. What is wrong with people?
After the family left, the salon workers called the police who went to the Cowen’s home to investigate. First, they said the little girl injured herself and was not abused. Then child protective services took her to the hospital for a medical screening. Doctors said her injuries indicated child abuse.
Christopher Cowen finally confessed that he’d been having trouble potty training the little girl. He said that Danelle had tied up the child with shoe strings and spanked her with a belt as punishment.
Did it ever occur to them that she wasn’t ready yet? And that beating her wasn’t a great way to encourage her to use the toilet? Friggin’ ignorant people.
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39 opinions for Christopher and Danelle Cowan Beat Child for Potty Training Accident
JustJess
Jan 19, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Kudos to those salon workers!
Ihavekidstoo
Jan 19, 2008 at 3:55 pm
What IS it with people and potty training? Why is this such an issue for people? Granted these two are on the extreme end of the spectrum, but I have met so many otherwise normal parents who just go apeshit when they decide it’s time to potty train. They act like it’s the end of the world if a kid has an accident. I guess they’ve never had a little too much to drink and laughed so hard they wet themselves!
The best advice I’ve gotten was from our pediatrician who said it’s not like anyone ever walks down the aisle to get their high school diploma in a dirty diaper!
mom2tbet
Jan 19, 2008 at 4:17 pm
My theories on potty training is probably better suited for a different forum. However, I will say this: This baby’s parents and others like them disgust me. Children are not meant to be treated this way.
Seriously, if their main goal is to potty train this child, beating and torturing her is the most counterproductive thing they could do. It
wouldn’t surprise me if she has long term issues pertaining to going to the bathroom - all because they’re so anxious to get her out of diapers? So what might have been an extra 6mos of diapers might turn into many more years and conceivably more years after that for bed wetting.
I have 2 little puppies - i would never think of treating them this way for accidents, much less my 4 children!!!!
Robot B9
Jan 19, 2008 at 5:54 pm
Potty training is often a stressful (and messy) time for parents, Sometimes it pushes them over the edge. We can only hope that, in this case, things have been caught before too much harm has been done and maybe everyone can get the help they need.
onthegowith5xy
Jan 19, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Poor little girl! This really ticks me off! What is it with these people!!??? Children are not going to learn to go potty over night, it takes time!! I am currently potty training my 3 year old son and it is not easy but you don’t beat them and put hot sauce in their mouth!!!! She was probably so scared and didn’t know why they were treating her like that!:( Poor baby I hope she finds a good home!!
Amy
Jan 19, 2008 at 7:02 pm
I’m curious what the spankers think about hot sauce. Seems like it might be in the same catagory as spanking. Applied “properly”, not too much so it doesn’t last long, better than soap as it is food, little enough that it isn’t tormentingly punative, might it be a good parenting tool? What do you think? In loving, controlled hands, is hot sauce a good aversion tactic?
onthegowith5xy
Jan 19, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Um…. NO! Why would anyone think it is okay to put hot sauce in a childs mouth!!?? It is not even close to the same thing as spanking! I am personally not a believer in spanking but I know many people who are, good people! These people were not good people, they are monsters who can’t control themselves when in stressfull situations. Spanking is a common punishment and works with certain kids, Putting hot sauce in a childs mouth because they had an accident is no where near the same thing!!!! This girl needed love and understanding, not beatings!! She is 2 years old for god sakes!! Pouring hot sauce in her mouth is not going to teach her not to pee in her pants, neither will beatings or spankings! These people need to be punished for hurting this poor little girl!
JustJess
Jan 19, 2008 at 7:24 pm
I have heard that hot sauce in a young childs mouth can cause them to stop breathing if it swells their throats. Potty training takes time and understanding. The parents should have just said “well, you had an accident and that’s ok, we can try again next time” and left it at that.
Amy
Jan 19, 2008 at 7:35 pm
I’m not talking about this case, I’m asking about hot sauce. It seems to be less obscure than I thought it was. My question is, why is hot sauce worse than spanking, if we apply the “good” spanking rules spanking parents site: Not too much, only for a brief time, administered with self-control and not anger? It’s basically the same as spanking, a little forced pain to develop an aversion in the kid. So is a little swipe of hot sauce on the tongue different than spanking?
onthegowith5xy
Jan 19, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Yes it is different!!! It is VERY different! I have also heard that hot sauce can swell a child’s mouth and cause them to have difficulty breathing. Like I said earlier, spanking is a well known punishment and is effective for some people, putting hot sauce on the child’s tounge is cruel and very different from spanking! Why do these stories always get turned into spanking debates???
donnam
Jan 19, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Those parents must be out of thier minds. What if they were beat because they had an “accident?” They need to be beat anyway what was the deal with the burn-marks??!! These people are pond scum and definatly don’t deserve the child they have .Sad, sad. There are alternative methods. How about the father? She’s ok as long as she is walking …oh my God as opposed to what lying on the floor writhing in pain?! I say why not beat the parents here when they have an accident and then feed them hot sauce and beat them until they have another accident. They definatly have displayed their stupidity and I hope they totally lose her.
April RJ
Jan 19, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Yeah!! I am so happy to hear that the salon people did the right thing. That NEVER happens. How often do we ask “how come no one did anything to stop the abuse”?
WTF is wrong with parents that abuse children of potty training. I don’t get it. My son was three before he was potty trained. Even at Seven, he will dance and wiggle when he has to go if he is to busy playing. I have to get onto him to go before he pees himself. As frustrating as that is for me, I would NEVER dream of abusing him. Friggin’ idiots.
yoshi
Jan 19, 2008 at 10:07 pm
I’ll put an end to the grasping of that pathetic straw in an attempt to associate spanking with child abuse really quickly.
Spanking can’t cause allergic reactions. Hot sauce can. Spanking can’t cause digestive problems in toddlers. ANY spicy food can, including hot sauce can, and do. Spanking doesn’t damage tooth enamel in toddlers, hot sauce, with the primary ingredients being either tomatoes or peppers containing citric acid, can, will, and does. Spanking doesn’t inflame and irritate open gums resulting from teeth breaking the skin, the sodium in hot sauce does. Spanking doesn’t result in sinus or ear infections. Hot sauce can if the child vomits and gets previously mentioned citric acid and sodium into their sinus cavity or nasal passages. Spanking can’t cause corneal damage. Hot sauce can if the child puts their hands in their mouth, as they likely would when you burned their tongue, then touch their eyes.
I wish i had an award show, i would give you the award for Most Pathetic Attempt to Vilify Spanking as a Parenting Tool.
rockdoll_71
Jan 20, 2008 at 10:09 am
I am so glad to know that those salon workers were not afraid to make that call! GOOD FOR THEM!!!
sfdude_2008
Jan 20, 2008 at 1:25 pm
WTF?!?! How dare they abuse that poor baby for peeing in her own pants! Babies are sooooooooooo helpless! Hello?!?!?! Those sadistic kid-hating asshats don’t deserve the chance to procreate ever again!
Amy
Jan 20, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Yoshi, you didn’t follow the “good” guidlines. Not pouring down their throats. Not even enough to swallow. Just enough to deliver pain to make the kid afraid you’ll do it to them and try to predict or remember what behavior might bring on the pain.
People spank as they please, as their temper or their desire to create an aversion dictates. How can a we say striking a child is acceptible in certain circumstances when there are so many human variables?
I’m not villifying spankers. I wouldn’t villify a person who put a drop if hot sauce on their finger and put it on their child’s tongue. Those people aren’t villians. They don’t know any better.
The hostility here for an act so similar to spanking amazed me. Some people pour too much hot sauce, some leave beet red bottoms. Hot sauce seems exotic, so we react with passion, but spanking is accepted. We know nice people who do it. I just don’t think there’s much difference. They both give a child pain to gain dominance and both can lead to damage if the inflictor of pain gets carried away.
We’re talking about people disciplining their chldren. Spanking is ok, right? These people seem pretty clueless that a belt is not ok. Or is it if it doesn’t leave certain marks?
Inflicting pain is inflicting pain. Pain can be effective, but does that make it right? How do we decide who, how much, how often, how hard. with what tools? I know. When the parents get arrested.
maminka1979
Jan 20, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Robot B9, well put. I think your statement captured this terrible story perfectly.
As a mother of a child who will be 3 next week (she has shown interest in using the potty since 19 months), I can tell you it is sometimes annoying and messy. She just isn’t ready to be on the potty all day and night with no accidents. Sometimes I get upset at cleaning up another mess and have to go count to ten. But I do not yell and I would never spank (or torture) her for being herself and deciding when she is ready to complete this essential life skill. Even at it’s worst (with poo and pee rubbed on the wall one time, yuck), I clean up and tell myself that this too shall pass. I have sympathy for potty training parents only to the point when they physically or mentally hurt their angels.
Jenn
Jan 20, 2008 at 10:19 pm
These kinds of things are disgusting and horrifying. Thank goodness the salon workers asked the parents about the marks they saw and then followed through with a call to the police.
I admit, potty training can be difficult. My mom had quite the battle with my younger brothers. I got stupidly lucky with my daughter - when she was two months shy of her third birthday, I asked if she wanted to use the potty. She said yes, I bought her underwear, and here we are, five months later, with only one accident on record.
mowse
Jan 20, 2008 at 11:26 pm
I should probably not even have signed up to comment on these boards and read these tragedies. It always has such a profound and negative affect on me. Nothing causes me more pain and grief than the thought of how these children suffer and how much I want to bring about change and end their suffering.
mowse
Jan 21, 2008 at 12:02 am
Okay I don’t agree with spanking as a “parenting tool” but I don’t put it in the same category as hot sauce as a punishment. First of all using hot sauce as a punishment can be fatal and I “think” takes a measure of cruelty that I don’t think spanking carries. I think a lot of parents spank out of ignorance and frustration. Again I don’t believe in spanking but I know people who use it very sparingly, one in particular who I’d never hesitate leaving my children in her care (my mother-in-law) one because she respects my wishes and two she is the most loving Grandmother you could imagine. She was brought up in different times but she knows enough to know that using hot sauce would be cruel and dangerous. Do I think a parent would administer Hot Sauce as punishment out of ignorance, yes, so remove the child from their care and offer family support with the goal being reintegration if at all possible. But these parents inflicted abuse in more forms than one and there seems to be a pattern of abuse here.
wendy
Jan 21, 2008 at 11:31 pm
I’m glad the salon workers made the call.
What amazes me is that there really is no average age for potty training but everyone (I know this is painting with a broad brush) seems to think it has to happen before a child turns 3 or before they hit pre-school, kindergarten etc (some mile stone.) Some kids potty train themselves, most don’t– it doesn’t mean the child is going to end up a bed-wetting serial killer if they need some extra time.
Using hot sauce for a punishment strikes me as particularly cruel, as much as for some people (not just kids) it leaves a serious chemical burn.
These people are suffering from more than ignorance– even if the hot sauce was from ignorance I think even ignorant people would figure out that tying a child up with shoe laces is completely unacceptable.
loving_mom
Jan 23, 2008 at 5:24 am
I am going through all of the fun and loving potty training right now. My son’s “punishment” for not using the potty? I take him into the bathroom with his poopy diaper and I dump the poop in the toilet and ask him “What do we do next?” He then grabs some toilet paper wipes his behind, puts it in the toliet, flushes, and washes his hands. To be honest he acutally prefers that my husband go into the bathroom with him when he has to use it. That does not bother me by any means. Potty training takes time and effort.
Hot sauce and shoes laces? HOT FREAKIN SAUCE? They could have killed her. Hot sauce can cause a child to stop breathing and then what would they do? Tie her put until she began to breathe? Most peds won’t even suggest that you give a child mild spicy food until they are three or four. All kids are different of course, like Caoleb he loves spicy food but that is his dads fault lol.
I am going to be honest I don’t know one full grown adult who has not ever wet their pants. Pregeant women do it all the time. Drunk people do it all the time. I am sure dumb and dumber have done it.
jaleja
Jan 23, 2008 at 6:12 am
The newspaper article also says the the stepmother thinks some of the hot sauce may have “accidentally” gotten into the little gir’s eyes. The salon workers mentioned her eyes were red and puffy, I think.
rockdoll_71
Jan 23, 2008 at 8:33 am
loving mom, you are right. When I was pregnant, sometimes I had accidents. There is no justification for being so mean to a child. It’s no big deal when they have an accident while potty training. They are just learning for crying out loud.
Btw, I loved the dumb and dumber line!! lol :)
wendy
Jan 23, 2008 at 12:06 pm
loving_mom you’re handling the potty training stress well from the sounds of it.
With my oldest, I literally had visions of him graduating college and hitting corporate America still in diapers, fortunately (this is going to sound bad) prior to having a child I’d trained enough dogs to know that it happens when the potty trainee is good and ready.
Which has me thinking– have none of these people owned a puppy? Ever? Do they not realize that a human baby is far more complicated than a freakin’ dog before bringing a human baby into this world? Or are they the kind of people that eventually just beat the dog’s head in and tie it to a tree in the backyard?
Amy
Jan 23, 2008 at 4:03 pm
I think many people assume parenting is natural, are ill-prepared for how complicated and subtle a task it is, how emotionally challenging. Actually I think we promote that idea that parenting is a basic right, innate, presumed. People often adopt a puppy, find out it’s not as much fun and much more work than they thought, then bring the puppy back to the pound. It’s a major greivance of animal shelter workers. Same thing happens with babies. “hey, cute, fun, think I’ll have one!!!” But what do we do when the ill-prepared parents check out on parenting?
wendy
Jan 23, 2008 at 5:41 pm
There’s no one solution, just a series of problems that have to be addressed as they come. For one I think safe haven laws should be extended beyond infants. It’s sad, but I think it would help the kids of people who know they don’t have the capacity to be parents to live somewhat normal and happy lives.
loving_mom
Jan 24, 2008 at 10:25 am
They act like they cam out of the womb peeing and pooping in the toilet.
There are some adpotion agencies that will set the mother up with a family. That family will feed, clothe, house, pretty much take care of the mother while she is pregenant. Then when the baby is born the agencies will help the mother get a home or send her back home or whatever. I have even heard stories of these families paying for the mother to go to college.
There are so many many options out there.
Don
Jan 27, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Damn… We just finished potty training our 3 1/2 year old son. It was relatively easy because we waited until he was ready for it.
I don’t get it, I really don’t. Gabe gets more upset about having an accident than I do. I usually have to calm him down and comfort him with “It’s not a big deal kiddo, it’s just a small accident.”
I have to admit that when he was an infant, I used Tabasco to keep him from chewing on things - a fingerfull smeared on the object I wanted to remain unchewed did the trick. Does that make me a bad dad?
mowse
Jan 27, 2008 at 2:47 pm
No Don I don’t think it makes you a bad Dad at all. While it might not be something I’d do it doesn’t sound like it was being used as a punishment rather a preventative. I have seen and heard of too many parents getting really upset and over excited during potty training, and not only is it unreasonable it’s completely counterproductive.
wendy
Jan 27, 2008 at 3:31 pm
We use cribbing spray in the house when we have puppies around, it does no harm, just tastes bad and gets them to chew on their own toys. I never thought of using something similar for the kids (but my kids really didn’t chew much but teething rings when they were in that stage so it wasn’t an issue) I did a quick google search, and there’s a few commercial products that contain nasty tasting stuff to keep children from chewing on stuff– go figure.
Don, I don’t think you’ve hit “bad dad” yet. If it makes you feel better it appears that more pediatricians suggest the bad taste over uncontrolled chewing and teething habits.
sees4
Jan 31, 2008 at 11:09 am
I am a mother of four in different stages of potty training a 4 year old who is still figuring out how not to wet the bed. 2, 3 year olds who sometimes still have daytime uh oh’s (as they lovingly refer to it) and a 21 month old who decided he was ready on his own this month with multiple uh oh’s a day. To top it off we also have a puppy who is only 3 months old. I cant fathom hurting any of them for an accident not even the puppy. Dont get me wrong I sometimes get frustrated being woke up two or three times a night and laundry at times is a nightmare, but it has never even crossed my mind to tie them up or spank them for it. I dont understand the theroy in thinking that if you tie up a child they wont pee on themselves anymore to me it seems like they would have more difficulty getting to the bathroom when tied up. Sorry for blabbering it just boggles my mind.
wendy
Jan 31, 2008 at 1:16 pm
sees4– Sometimes a little hormone imbalance can have kids wetting the bed until they are 7 or 8, a doctor can give them a once daily hormone pill to get them over the “hump” and used to being dry at night. It’s worth asking about at checkup time especially if the child is frustrated with trying to stay dry at night.
I agree, normal people strip off the sheets and wash them (again and again) get out the steam cleaner to take care of the messes and get on with life. They don’t tie kids down and beat them, they don’t pour hotsauce down their throats. I carried extra clothes for my son everywhere, if he had an accident no biggie, we’d just find a place to clean up and have him change his clothes.
sees4
Jan 31, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Wendy - I had heard of a prescription to help with bed wetting but my sons pedi doc thinks I should wait till he is about 6. I am seriously thinking of finding a new pedi doc. The bed wetting is getting to where I believe it is starting to bother his self esteem. My two 3 year olds sleep through the night with no problem theirs are during the day and he sees this and at times he has mentioned the fact that his little sister and brother dont wet the bed but he does.
wendy
Jan 31, 2008 at 7:26 pm
sees4– My son was 7 with the hormone, there is a slight risk of dehydration and salt imbalance with it which is probably why your pediatrician wants to wait. I don’t know what the standard age range is, if it would be riskier with smaller children, but that’s certainly something to bring up.
RobinT
Feb 1, 2008 at 5:24 am
I was reading on another website that potty training acidents are a leading cause of death in toddlers! I’m glad those salon workers reported those “parents.” There’s a good potty training column where I reaad about potty training accidents being a leading cause of death. It’s at htpp://askmeanmom.com She has lots of good advice.
RobinT
Feb 1, 2008 at 5:24 am
I was reading on another website that potty training acidents are a leading cause of death in toddlers! I’m glad those salon workers reported those “parents.” There’s a good potty training column where I reaad about potty training accidents being a leading cause of death. It’s at http://askmeanmom.com She has lots of good advice.
RobinT
Feb 1, 2008 at 5:25 am
Actually I think the URL is http://askmeanmom.blogspot.com
delicious_sauce
Feb 9, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Parents like this should be sterilized, honestly. If a child isn’t ready to be potty trained, beating him or her is not going to help. It’s just going to make them afraid to go to the bathroom. I can’t believe that there are really parents out there like this.
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