Parents Behaving Badly

48 opinions for Allison Quets Abducts Her Twins After Giving Them Up for Adoption

• MCA
  Jan 4, 2007 at 2:15 pm

  Your approach to this emotional story was much appreciated. I have learned more about adoption related issues in the past week then I thought possible. There seems to be very polarized camps on adoption of which I had no idea.

  Originally her story was posted on my site because it involved missing children. As in the allegations of human smuggling in the Bryan Dossantos Gomez, it presented an aspect of child abduction new to me.

  There are probably many sides of this story yet to be told.

• CharmingDriver
  Jan 4, 2007 at 3:22 pm

  I had a PICC line last year and have had one this year since my son’s birth (in September) and they are no joke. That doesn’t really add to this story, just sayin, heh.

  Anyway. FL is a well-known baby-eating state. GA has a registry for unwed fathers to ”claim” their babes within 30 days of birth to avoid kids being given up for adoption w/o their knowledge or consent. GA adoption agencies have been known to punt soon-to-deliver moms to sister agencies in FL because there is no such registry and also, if you’re expecting a baby in GA, why would you (as the father) expect to have to register in multiple states?

  It will be a crying, stinking shame and injustice if the mother (Quets) isn’t reunited with her children. I couldn’t have told you my own name within 12 hrs of birth much less sign away parentage forever.

  Those anti-adoption advocates scare me shitless, as well. What’s ”funny” about many of them is that they surrendered children without ever telling the father but screech endlessly about the importance of ”natural families”. But I reckon that only counts if you give birth.

• Michelle G.
  Jan 4, 2007 at 5:12 pm

  As much as I would love to adopt, and as much as I would absolutely LOVE to have those two little girls, I simply could not live with myself if I knew I took them from someone who so desperately wanted them. I do not want to raise children if I have to first shatter their mother.

  I think there are situations in which the adoption process works out OK for everyone, and for that I could never be anti-adoption but this is clearly not one of those situations. There is corruption, and bias and also it is a huge moneymaker for certain agencies and that should not be the case.

• Caroline S
  Jan 5, 2007 at 1:30 pm

  “Shiny new babies?” The girls are 17 months old! The Needham family has had these toddlers for more than a year and a half. There’s no question but what they are every bit as — if not more — closely bonded to their daughters than this ambivalent woman who gave birth to them.

• wikokopelli
  Jan 5, 2007 at 1:30 pm

  A mistake in your post:

  “But then there’s the question of the waiting period. Ironically, as the Ottawa Sun points out, Canadian adoption law would have enforced a 7-day waiting period on the adoption as well as a 28-day revocation period, giving Quets plenty of time to recover from the trauma of her pregnancy and change her mind. But Florida (where Allison Quets gave birth) has a three-day waiting period. Which raises the question: if Quets objected to the adoption the same day she signed the papers, why was the adoption allowed to proceed? ”

  Ms. Quets actually parented the children for a month prior to placing them with the Needhams. The truth is different from what you try to portray it as…

• The Zero Boss
  Jan 5, 2007 at 1:34 pm

  wikokopelli: I didn’t see that in any of the articles I found. And that also differs significantly from the account of Quets’ sister. If you have citations or testimony from others regarding this, please provide the references (or state who you are, and how you know this info).

  Caroline: they *were* shiny new when the dispute allegedly took place.

• Melissa
  Jan 5, 2007 at 2:32 pm

  The anti-adoption folks scare me too. The sad thing is that many of their concerns (the money involved in adoption, working to cut the birthfathers out of the process when possible, and the lasting pain from the baby scoop era) are real. But when they suggest ending all adoption, even adoption from foster care, then I find myself ignoring everything they say.

  I believe that the 3 day waiting period is only when the adoption is going through an agency. This was a private adoption and so I have heard there is no way to revoke the TPR once signed unless you can prove fraud or duress. Not sure if that is true or not but it’s something I read.

  More amusing is how many in that anti-adoption movement have turned on Quets when they learned she had adopted an embryo. Since much of the anti-adoption creed comes down to genetics trumping everything they were quite unhappy to learn that she had no genetic connection to the twins. I’ve heard a few argue that the only person who should have the twins are their genetic mother- wherever she is.

  Finally, I almost worked at an adoption agency in Florida. It was mostly office work and I needed a job and thought adoption might be interesting. In the middle of my interview I heard screaming from another room and a woman being arrested. I asked what was going on and my potential boss explained that a woman had been faking her pregnancy (she had an abortion months earlier) and living off the money that she was getting from the adoptive family. She was being arrested for fraud, which was unusual since when a woman changes her mind after birth they can’t go back and demand the money they spent on her, even if they suspect she was never really going to place the child for adoption. However, in this case she was taking money for a child that didn’t exist and so fraud was obvious.

  I asked how common it was for things like that. Women in it just for the money. He said about 50% of the girls. Then told me story upon story of some of birthparents behaving badly. A girl who wanted to wait and see what race her baby came out before she decided if she wanted to raise him or not. Another who offered to sell her older child to the adoptive parents of her unborn baby if they got her a used car. A number of women smoked through their pregnancy so the babies would be small and easier to deliver- besides if the kid had any problems the adoptive parents could deal with it. After hearing those tales I knew I couldn’t do that work without murdering someone. Honestly, I understand why adoption workers look at it purly from the money perspective. If you looked at it emotionally you’d lose it.

• MommytoFH
  Jan 5, 2007 at 5:50 pm

  I have also read in several places that she tried to parent the children for about 6 weeks (I don’t have a link to a specific article on that one, sorry), and then decided to place them. According to this article http://abclocal.go.com/wtvd/story?section=triangle&id=4907981
  she had investigated adoption a few times during her pregnancy. I certainly don’t know what the right answer to this is (and thank God I don’t have to make that decision!!!), but I think there’s a lot more to this story.

• Amraann
  Jan 6, 2007 at 9:23 am

  I am totally confused….
  This women was 48??? Spent the time and money on invitro and then decides while pregnant that adoption may be a good idea???

  I am sorry but the more I read the more screwed up she seems….
  The link the previous poster supplied states that this women at first wanted to just give up the male child to adoption? Anyone with any knowledge of IVF knows that a multiple birth is a common result.
  I think the backbone of this issue is truly selfishness.
  Its hardly ever about the child (or in this case children) Its seems almost always about how the adult feels.

  And what is up with these Anti-adoption people??
  I never even knew that such a group existed.
  I suppose I should have known.. My grandmother was of the notion that despite my own mothers drug dealing and child molesting friends that we should not be taken from her.
  Spreading your legs and getting pregnant does NOT make one a parent.

  Right now I can only say that MS. Quets does not need to be raising children.
  If at her age you go through IVF, THEN think about adoption??? Your a loon and your children are better off with parents who truly want those children.

  BTW IVF does not mean she is not the bio mom…
  Someone above said that.. But I have not read that the eggs used were not hers.

• MommytoFH
  Jan 6, 2007 at 11:15 am

  Just to follow up, an article cited on a discsussion forum I’m on does mention she parented the children for 6 weeks: http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Canada/2007/01/04/3156287-sun.html

  And I agree with the above poster, IVF does not mean the eggs were donated. I’ve gotten the impression (though I can’t say I’ve read it for certain) that Ms. Quets used her own eggs for the IVF process.

• The Zero Boss
  Jan 6, 2007 at 12:16 pm

  Thanks, MommytoFH - I’ve updated the article with the info and the link. It helps to have the timeline filled in.

• Hope's Mom
  Jan 6, 2007 at 6:08 pm

  Thank you for your article (and for the correction on the PICC error in the mainstream media).

  This never should have had to happen. When Allison Quets changed her mind that day, the babies should have been returned to her by the adopting parents. Heartbreaking as an adoption loss is, that was the right thing to do.

  I feel sorry for the babies.

• Lacy
  Jan 9, 2007 at 3:41 pm

  Allison used a donor egg and sperm. She made the decision to give them up not just one time. She is a very unstable person and does not need to be in those childrens life.

• MommytoFH
  Jan 9, 2007 at 6:26 pm

  I also just read confirmation of the donor eggs - apparently Nancy Grace is heavily covering this story -
  http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0701/08/ng.01.html

  Another forum I’m on is arguing back and forth that this has changed the support Ms. Quets is getting from the anti-adoption community, because they don’t typically consider her situation (non-biological children) any better than adopting non-biological children after birth. ???

• Melinda Walmsley
  Jan 11, 2007 at 8:02 pm

  I lost my granddaughter six years ago, when my daughter considered adoption and signed a pre-birth consent. She wanted to keep her baby and back out, but her lawyer, hired by the adopters, told her the pre-birth consent would be upheld as binding by the judge in the case who was an adoptive parent himself. The judge was not actually assigned to the case until 9 day after this statement was made, and one day after her baby was born. but we learned this too late. The lawyer actually admitted to this coercion in deposition, and my daughter did try to get her baby back when she was barely one day old, and then officially filed to contest the adoption.

  I’ve seen fraud and coercion first hand, and I’ve watched the courts ignore it. Something needs to be done to protect these women while they are so vulnerable.

• Mikal W. Grass
  Jan 12, 2007 at 11:47 am

  The blogger is incorrect in saying that Florida has a three day waiting period before a birthmother can sign consents. Actually, in children less than 6 months old, the mom cannot sign consents before 48 hours after the child is born, unless she is medically cleared to leave the hospital or birth center. The consents are binding and irrevocable upon signature.

  For children older than 6 months of age, the birth mother has 72 hours after signing the consents to change her mind, for whatever reason, about the adoption.

  In either circumstance, the birth mother can get the child back if she alleges and proves that fraud, duress, coercion or undue influence was used to get her to sign the consents. In Florida, that standard is very hard to meet.

• britney
  Jan 12, 2007 at 9:50 pm

  Given the fact that Allison had invitro to concieve and obviously post pardum, why was she not given some sort of counseling before giving them up? The adption agency or lawyers should have seen that she probably was not in a good state of mind and made her see someone before sighning the papers. I know after I had my baby I was a mess. I wanted to leave because I thought my husband was doing a better job than me and the baby liked him better. I thought they would be better off without me. Thank GOD I didn’t act on that but I know the anxiety of feeling like you might not be the best parent especially if you are older and have had too much time to think about it!

• Sharon
  Jan 15, 2007 at 5:29 pm

  The adoptive parents had a moral obligation to return those children. They are in the wrong and the courts should not have let this dragged on so long; it’s only hurting the kids. The twins belong with their bio mom, period. The adoptive parents have caused all of this and they aren’t very nice people. One day, they will have to answer to a higher power. I hope the Florida court gives the twins back to the bio mom NOW !!!!

• Zoe Marie
  Jan 16, 2007 at 8:42 am

  Mercy VS Justice
  If you are traditional, sex before marriage is a sin.. but after you sign a paper and verbally consent to it to it, you are married. Then sex is wonderful and blessed in God’s eyes. Yes, you got married with you mouth and your signature. What would have been or was sin, is now more than okay.

  Allison signed her children away and verbally consented when she signed. I AM SO SORRY THAT SHE MADE THE WRONG DECISION. But, she made the wrong decision and changed her mind later.

  In the state of Florida there is no period to change your mind, so if there was one she would have had one but she did not. If there was a one week period to change her mind and she would have changed her mind 8 days later it is the same as changing your mind 12 hours later with no time allowed.

  When Allison changed her mind, it was before the Needhams received the twins. That did not matter because she signed in a state that does not have a change your mind period.

  Now, the person she changed her mind to could have given her MERCY, instead of Justice. And I WISH they would have, but she did not. As soon as the Needhams got the twins justice was on their side. It was in their hands to sacrifice themselves and give her MERCY. Again, I wish they did, but they did not. You can not TAKE JUSTICE away from Needhams because you feel that they should sacrificially give to Allison by giving her MERCY. This MERCY is not ours to give, it is not the judges to give it is only for the Needhams to give because in the eyes of the law those twins are theirs. It is easy to say what others should sacrifice when it is not your sacrifice.

  As for judges and lawyers being friends, that is normal. Judges and lawyers on both sides will mingle together and try cases of many. Do you think that every two sets of attorneys and judge are strangers in every case? .. of course not. That is their field.

  And as for the Needhams. In their mind they feel Allison in not mentally stable. I am sure she is, but after all of the back and forth I have no doubt they see themselves as salvaging the twins from mental instability. Personally, I am not calling her nuts and do not feel she is. I am saying I am sure they see her that way, therefore they don’t have a moral obligation to return the babies because she changed her mind.

  And I know she was sick with illness at the time.. but that gives more support to the argument that she had a reason for giving them up, but CHANGED HER MIND. She made the best choice for a woman who thought she was dying. Unfortunately she made an irrevocable decision then her health recovered.. what happened ? She changed her mind after it was too late. You can not strip away the justice of one person in order to give MERCY to another.. it is not yours to give.. it is theirs to give.

  Allison had the twins for 6 weeks before giving them up for adoption. She was not just out of the hospital. She did it because she was ill, then she changed her mind. There is no moral obligation to give children back because the birthmother changes her mind, at what point is it too late.. the answer is, what ever is the law in that state. I does not matter what the laws are in other states.

  She made a bad choice.
  I wish she did not.
  I wish the in-between person would have given her MERCY, but because she did not you can not force the Needhams to give her MERCY. I wish MERCY was given, but it was not. BUT you still can’t take Justice from the Needhams to give Allison MERCY. And by the way, In my heart, I really do wish she was given MERCY.

  I feel so sorry for her, but I can not turn back time or forceably take justice from the Needhams.

  If you give your baby for adoption because you are homeless and broke poor. Sign the papers in a state that does not give turn around time. Then hit the lottery the next day, you can not have your child back unless you are given MERCY. You can’t demand MERCY or demand anyone sacrifice their justice to give it to you.

  I think we need more MERCY in this world. Sow seeds of it every chance you get. But know that you can’t demand MERCY when it means an injustice for someone else. I pray for Allison to find peace and pray this works out, but you can’t take the twins from the Needhams. Regardless of what was done, you can’t take justice from them to give Allison MERCY because you feel sorry for her making such a huge mistake.

• travelangel
  Jan 16, 2007 at 1:17 pm

  wow! one of my friends called to tell me about this story. I know of this lady. After myself going thru insemination at 40 and married. The emotional rollercoaster. Why would someone at 46 or 48 not sure which age is correct - single and needing donor eggs and sperm even think of doing it. In reality nothing of these children are hers. Yes she did carry them for the 9 mos and deliver them. The risks in the child or children lives and yourselfs. I think just thinking of the procedure is such a self act. And shame on the IVF drs who allowed it.

  As for gets the children. Well these poor children will suffer terribly due to the mother being selfish. After reading it all from many angles i believe that the Needhams should have the children and there should be some sort of penalty put on allison about keeping her distance. As for the $ she has put out - thats her own dam fault. Think twice before doing something stupid.

  I guess the other point to make is .. if she was so sick and such - where was her family to support her… ? her friends? sounds like she did this all on her own.

  As one person mentioned above only God knows what is right and wrong and he will do what is best for those children.

  I know once i gave birth to my son whos 14mos and as crazy as he drives me at times i could NEVER give him up for anything in the world.

  I am sorry this all has happened and i will pray the children are safe and raised properly.

• Zoe Marie
  Jan 16, 2007 at 1:51 pm

  She was so sick she was at near death several times during the 1st 6 weeks of their lives before she gave them up. That makes this even more sad. She made a decision that can not be changed because she was sick. BUT not matter how sorry I feel for this woman, (and my heart breaks for her) you still can not forcibly take justice from the Needhams to grant MERCY to Allison.

  If she can prove she was cohersed, (as she is claiming) then that is another story. But if she can not and it boils down to changing her mind then that is not valid.

  I have a friend that has placed her baby for adoption because she was single. Two months after giving birth and adopting out her baby she met the man she would marry about a year later. Today they have two children together and the woman who adopted her first son is now divorced and single. I am sure she wishes she held out, but she knows that her decision was influenced by her circumstances, then her circumstances changed but she already made her decision. She knows that it is unjust to go back and try to undo the past.

  This is so sad, I am going to get off the computer and go hug my kids…

  Please pray for both sides and for the kids.
  I have an opinion based on what I see, but God knows far more than all of us. If she was cohersed, then he is on her side. If she yielded to others and signed papers to shut them up, then I would think justice would be with the Needhams. Only God knows.

• Cheryl
  Jan 16, 2007 at 10:47 pm

  I have to wonder why this birth mom’s family didn’t step in and agree to care for the newborns when the single mother’s health had her alarmed enough to consider adoption. If she had ANY reservations about her ability to parent, that would have been a choice that did not involve the legal system. Instead, she went through with relinquishing her parental rights and placing those children in another family’s home. Adoption is a legal relationship, like marriage. You cannot make the commitment then simply change your mind after the ceremony’s over and have everything revert. At the rate this debate is going, I’m expecting the anonymous egg and sperm donors to pop out of the woodwork and stake claim to these kids. After all, if so many of you think she should be allowed to back out of her decision, surely they should be allowed to back out of theirs.

• Gayle
  Jan 24, 2007 at 1:54 pm

  I am an adoptive mother of two children, ages 13 and 3. I believe God gave me my children just as he does to parents who have their children biologically. They were meant to be my children and therefore, they are. In this case, these children should have been given back to their birth mother immediately when she changed her mind and rescinded the adoption petition legally. The potential adoptive parents were not putting those children’s best interests ahead of their own feelings. The children should have been returned to Allison and the adoption petition withdrawn. These adoptive parents (I disagree with this title as I believe an adoption should never have taken place) are doing these children a grave injustice and the courts are allowing it to happen. I teach my children that they were given up by their birth moms as an unselfish act of love and that they were meant to be my children just as any other child. God just used a different route to make us a family. However, if either one of my children’s birth mothers had changed her mind and rescinded, although it would have broken my heart, I would have had to return that child and stopped any further action. During both of my adoptions, I remained acutely aware of the birth mothers feelings and more than anything else, I wanted to be assured by them that they were at peace with their decision. The Needhams should never have allowed this to happen. They made the first mistake by not returning the children then and there. The courts then allowed this mistake to flourish and that is the real shame of it all. All adoptions should not be grouped in a category and compared to the travesty that happened here. Adoption can be a very loving and wonderful thing when done correctly and without coercion.

• travelangel
  Jan 24, 2007 at 2:06 pm

  Gayle… you are wonderful to take on adopting - and you are a special person for it.. i myself was adopted at 6 weeks old - i tried to contact my real mom just to tell her thank you for giving me up and that my life was wonderful and that it was okay that she gave me up and i harbour no bad feelings.I thought i would have to adopt one day to have a family but i got lucky 8 yrs later at 40 yrs old. I totally agree with what your are saying EXCEPT they have proved that before the children were born and up to the children being adopted she check many adoption agencies while pregnant and after the fact. So in this case I believe that the neddhams should have those children. you cant bring such an innocent life into the world and treat them like a toy. one day i want you the next i dont. being a parent comes with all those feelings of wanting and not wanting but thats what being a family is all about. I know many comment on how ill she was… well if she was that ill.. again where was her family and friends and boyfriend to help her cope with all that has happened… why did her parents or friend come along and say i will stay with the children until you get better.. people do it all the time. I have not once herad of friends and family around her… so i truly believe in my heart she got pregnant for a selfish reason if not for attention and then has caused all this publicity - and it has done nothing but churn up familie.. the needhams who wanted to bad to have a family and opted for an open adoption… and the children who suffer the most not knowing what is right.. and then allison who obviously is unstable and needs help but no one has offered her any (mental) help.. just her $$ to buy her way out. well unfortunately money isnt alway the answers… gayle this is written all just in my opinion and my knowledge of living 8 miles from her.

• Gayle
  Jan 24, 2007 at 3:02 pm

  travelangel . . .
  I cannot begin to imagine what emotions and turmoil Allison may have experienced that drove her to do any of the things she did. It is not my place to be judgmental and neither have I walked in her shoes. I don’t know what her situation with family was but it seems she received much pressure from this so called “boyfriend” and especially considering these adoptive parents are part of his family. Sounds like ulterior motive to me. Also, whether or not postpartum played a role. I don’t know how being so near to death may have affected her judgment. I do know the feeling of being overwhelmed and pressured by other people to make a choice they believe I should make. I do know that when she immediately changed her mind and took steps to undo her initial choice, the Needhams should have been concerned enough to return the child rather than let their desire for a child drive them. I would never want to adopt a child whose birth mother was not completely confident and at peace with her decision. Of course, birth mothers will be affected emotionally, but can still be confident that this was the right decision for all the right reasons. Apparently, this was not the case here. After all, it wasn’t like months had gone by . . . She rescinded within 48 hours.

• travelangel
  Jan 24, 2007 at 3:14 pm

  gayle… everything in life can be so debatable depending how you perceive the story and what parts you and i may not have and such… i guess my whole anger or fustration goes back to the IVF drs. which i had them to create my son!… but who in their right mind would allow a 46 or 48 (unsure of age) not married (yes finacially sound - not sure of emotionally) i knew here by small talk at the gym… to give someones embyros and sperm to create children…so yes she carried those children to term - but really not part of her - which isnt wrong but - anyone in their right mind would know the risks and the chances they are taking in life… i am 42 now and i would not go thru it again because i was high risk and i am not going to risk my life nor a childs for my selfishness of wanting another child. - though i would love to have another….and adoption could be the answer.

• Gayle
  Jan 24, 2007 at 4:18 pm

  travelangel . . .
  How these children were conceived is irrevelant. She gave birth to them and is their “birth mother.” I take offense to your saying “but really not part of her” because my children, although not biologically, are very much a part of me and became so even before they were born. We were fortunate to be at delivery with both my children and they were both “mine” immediately upon delivery. I never felt otherwise. In all ways, they were my children in the same way as if I had given birth myself. As a matter of fact, my oldest (son, age 10 at time) was able to experience this himself (he also was in delivery) with the birth of his baby sister. He has always known he was adopted and we could see the love and security he felt upon realizing that she was his sister and our child in every other way and that the only difference with her (and him) being adopted was that they were not born of me. We had traveled the infertility road for 12 years before the birth of my son and considered IVF very seriously before deciding against it. We grew to believe that was because that was not the road meant for us to travel and adopting these two children was. As a matter of fact, I finally had to have a hysterectomy last year and one of the main things I wanted to know and asked my ob/gyn was if he saw any obvious reasons why I had never conceived as there had never been a obvious reason. He said he didn’t see anything with my tubes, etc. and he believes that means that I was intended to be a mother like I became one, through adoption. Which is the same thing we had come to believe all those years ago. That these children were meant to be ours as part of a plan bigger than us and we truly believe that. This was reiterated within us when my daughter came to us as we were not looking to adopt again and she basically “came to us.” It could have only been the hand of God in control.

• Zoe Marie
  Jan 24, 2007 at 11:46 pm

  As I understand the story, the family and friends did offer to take the babies for a few weeks so she could confirm her choice to put the babies for adoption. She claims that she was too upset, sick and pressured to truely comprehend that offer. She claims she could not process the offer that was made. She did have a nanny helping her with the babies for those 6 weeks.

  Legally, 48 hours later or 1 hour later or 2 weeks later all equates to the same thing.. too late. But personally, I am praying and seeking God about morally when is it too late. Just because it is legal does not make it moral. BUT I don’t have an answer about what is right and when it morally when is it okay to say that the choice is made, hence it is now too late. Is it right with the legal timeline or extended past that.. if so when is enough time ? Like I was saying, that MERCY is not mine to be generious with. I have a feeling that the Needham’s see her as unstable therefore felt they were doing the right thing for the twins by not granting MERCY.. but that is just as guess.

  Travel Angel, may I suggest International Adoption because the babies are given up months before you can ever even consider adopting them. The whole idea of birthmother teeter-tottering or changing her mind or wanting to change her mind but not doing so because she see’s the babies are happy does not even come into play. These women still exist, but their choices are long confirmed. I have one biological child and one who is adopted internationally. My heart breaks for Allison, I can’t make a judgement call because I feel for both sides. Pray for the judge, I would not want his job.

• Zoe Marie
  Jan 24, 2007 at 11:47 pm

  disregard above and replace with this.. I hit too soon.

  As I understand the story, the family and friends did offer to take the babies for a few weeks so she could confirm her choice to put the babies for adoption. She claims that she was too upset, sick and pressured to truly comprehend that offer, but the offer was made. She claims she could not process the offer that was made. She did have a nanny helping her with the babies, but I don’t know to what extend. Apparently the boyfriend felt the babies were in the way of Allison caring for his grand-daughters that he had move in with Allison. She was taking care of them for him (what a mess).

  Legally, 48 hours later or 1 hour later or 2 weeks later all equates to the same thing.. too late. But personally, I am praying and seeking God about when is it too late morally. Just because it is legal does not make it moral. BUT I don’t have an answer about when is it morally okay to say that the choice is now final, no turning back if you want to change your choice. Or is this gage different for each person, hence the legal must be the guide ? Is the legal timeline right or should that be extended ?? .. if so when is enough time ? Like I was saying, legal is legal and anything after that is personal Mercy from someone owns morals. That MERCY is not mine to be generous with.

  I have a feeling that the Needham’s see her as unstable therefore felt they were doing the right thing for the twins by not granting MERCY because she changed her mind once before .. but that is just a guess.

  Travel Angel, may I suggest International Adoption because the babies are given up months before you can ever even consider adopting them. Factor don’t come into play for birthmother teeter-tottering, changing her mind or wanting to change her mind but not doing so because she observes the babies are happy and influenced by seeing them well cared for. International birth mothers still exist and they do care, but their choices are long confirmed. I don’t want to erased them, but I know that I did not influence their choice or influence them not changing their minds. The child’s life will either be with a adoptive family or an orphanage. I don’t know why knowing that I did not cause anyone to make a choice or not change their mind simplifies things for me, but it does.

  I have one biological child and one who is adopted internationally. My heart breaks for Allison, I can’t make a judgment call because I feel for both sides. Pray for the judge, I would not want his job.

  And by the way, either your hearts understands adoption or it does not. But please don’t think I am being condescending by staying that. I am not. Both my kids are totally a part of me but I don’t expect anyone who has not adopted to understand that. If you ever do adopt, you will just get that.. but until then please don’t think that it is something that you do understand because you just can’t yet. If you can assume that there is or is not a connection because of ‘plumbing’, obviously your heart does not get it. Your statements show that you don’t understand. You may be adopted, but you are not an adopted parent. If you did get it, you would know that your heart instantly has full motherhood of that child, it is not gradual as the average person would assume. Can’t explain it, no one can.

  Personally, I think morally they should have given the babies back but I don’t know if I can expect the law to go beyond the law… ya know? If the law can go beyond the legal limits to favor one side then where are we ? Then there is no such thing as being protected by the law because it can go outside of it’s limits to grant mercy when it sees fit to favor one side.

  To me that issue is resolved, but I don’t know where the line falls for coercion and if her actions confirmed and prove she was coerced or not. The sealed court records are what can really determine the answer to that question.

  In my opinion, coercion is the only part of the case that is up for debate.

  To me the law is stated per state and the law was implemented. The law can not grant mercy to favor one side because you would hate to be on that non favored side, laws have to be stable and they are what they are. I don’t expect my (or anyone else’s) opinion that the Needhams should have been ‘nicer’ or had ‘more’ morals to grant Allison mercy (at their expense) to over-ride the written law and disfavor their side. I feel it is irrelevant because it is not legally enforceable. I can say, I think they should have granted her mercy but who cares what I think, they did not and no one can legally make them or should make them because the law is on their side. I would hate to have the law on my side but have someone else’s view of morality extend the law beyond what it is stated to be, then have that extension change the outcome. You can’t have a law and expect everyone to add a set amount of grace to that law, those morals will change with every person’s opinion.

  One thing I know for sure, I think that a retraction period should not be determined by the state. I think they should change that to become one standard federal law. Like in Minnesota you can retract an adoption for one year (that’s nuts), and in Florida there is no retraction period at all (not good either). Not that it will effect this case, but I think there should be one standard so attorneys and adoption agencies do not transport birthmother’s to avoid laws. But even if it is changed in the future, that will not be effective retro-active for this case.

  Was she Coerced is the real question and is the only thing that will hold up in court when she continues her legal battle to get the twins back.

  Do you thinks he was coerced ???
  why or why not ??

• Gayle
  Jan 25, 2007 at 9:31 am

  I do think she was coerced and pressured by the so-called “boyfriend.” I know how being depressed and feeling overwhelmed can zap you of all energy and leave you with the inability to even think, much less think straight. That’s not even taking into account that her pregnancy was not a wonderful experience but was a time of being so sick that she was near death. Considering all these elements, she was ripe for being influenced by him who may not have wanted what was best for her and the children, but that he could give relatives a baby. I can very much see how this could happen. Also, we don’t know anything about the Needhams. It seems to me that their desire to have a child outweighed what was best for those children when Allison changed her mind from the start (within 48 hours filing a legal retraction) and has fought relentlessly to correct her wrong. I believe (even as an adoptive mother) that if a child’s birth mother wants that child and is able to care for that child and doesn’t put that child in any danger, then that child should be with that mother. I could not have done what the Needhams did and kept those children when Allison changed her mind so quickly. As a matter of fact, I think I would have bowed out earlier if Allison was continually going back and forth even before the papers were signed.

• travelangel
  Jan 25, 2007 at 10:21 am

  zoe marie - you are probably right that i totally dont understand the affects of adoption. I will say that the law in minnesota for retracting for 1 yr is absolutely absurd. I think there should be NO retraction at all… you are damaging families by taking them from familys who want families.. gayle i can appreciate you being an adopoted mom.. but i am confused with your statments.. you say that the needhams should have just returned the children if the mother was caplable for caring and there was no danger. And you said you wouldnt have adopted them if you knew she was going back and forth. going back and forth deciding what she wanted.. do you feel that is uncaring for the children or putting them in danger? not knowing if you want to be a mother or not…. also what would you have done if the mother of your children came back 2 yrs later and wanted her kids back… would you have said here you go - k nowing the kids would go back to the mother in a caring and undangerous home? or would you have fought? or would you say i dont know i am not in that situation - and honestly i am glad you have not been in that situation.

  i am not by any means trying to demean, humiliate, talk down or anything liek that.. talking to you marie and gayle.. i am just trying to see if from all angles and maybe learn more about my views and see from other people views which then may strengthen me as a person and realize other views arent wrong either. not saying that yours are wrong.. i guess just analying more… i think i am an opened minded person or like to know i am… life is not perfect at all.

• Gayle
  Jan 25, 2007 at 10:51 am

  travelangel . . .
  I don’t think her going back and forth, going back and forth had anything to do with her wanting her children one day and not wanting them the next. I believe she always wanted to be a mother considering the extreme measures she took to become one. Just because you may consider giving your child up for adoption doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t WANT them. I do however admit, that in some instances, this may be the case. This sounds more like to me that she was being influenced and convinced by other parties that it would be in the best interests of the children to put them up for adoption for whatever reason. It is obvious by her going back and forth that she was never comfortable and at peace with that decision. That’s why I say I could never have pursued the adoption in the first place if all parties were not at peace with that decision. More than anything, I wanted to make sure my birth mothers were at peace with their reasons for adoption and decision to do so. That doesn’t mean they didn’t WANT them, only that they loved them enough to put what was best for them above any emotions that they may have felt and because of cirumstances in their lives that prevented them from doing so, give them what they could not, a loving home. I do not believe that being with Allison would have ever put those children in any danger. Coming back after 2 years is a totally different situation and is not even comparable to what has happened here. Allison changed her mind within hours and rescinded her signature through legal means within 48 hours. This was before the adoption proceedings even occurred.

• travelangel
  Jan 25, 2007 at 10:58 am

  i am just gald the whole thing worked out for you and your family and that you are blessed… and i guess as time goes by the truth will come out and find out what has really happened. and i do hope there’s a happy ending to this horrible story. I hope the children will be able to live normal lives and that they havent been damaged from this turmoil. nice chatting with you.

• Gayle
  Jan 25, 2007 at 11:46 am

  Thank you and I am very blessed. I have two wonderful children that I would not have if not for adoption. I don’t know if we’ll ever know the true facts of this case. I do think a final resolution needs to come so those children can thrive in a normal family setting. If they did not know their birth mother and hadn’t had a relationship with her up until this point, I would say returning them to her would be detrimental to their well being. However, since she has had an ongoing relationship with them, I think they could thrive in either home. Although, if the final outcome is with the adoptive parents, I wouldn’t want to have to explain to them later in life that their birth mother changed her mind immediately and pursued every avenue to get them back and I was the one that stood in her way.

• travelangel
  Jan 25, 2007 at 11:54 am

  gayle.. well said… i know i looked for my real mom for medical reasons and she did say she wanted nothing to do with me or see me. she was only 18 when she had me and come to find out thru my adoption agency no one knew about me. I was older 30’s when i did this and i was okay with it.. to me it is a closed book in my life. I had to go to the courthouse and talk to an advisor and esplain why i was doing this and all about my life and such then ask the judge to open my records which he did. my father was not and is not on my birth certificate. So i am sure there is some father out there that doesnt realize he has a daughter. my parents who adopted me had me since i was 6 weeks and i knew no one else and i think of them as my true parents.

• Gayle
  Jan 25, 2007 at 12:20 pm

  That must have been traumatic for you to learn that she did not want anything to do with you. I agree that your adoptive parents are your true parents . . . giving birth does not make you a mother. Loving and guiding a child through life is what makes you a mother. I don’t understand adoptive parents who feel threatened when their child grows up and wants to find their birth mother. Nothing will ever change the fact that they are their child’s parent. And I understand the curiosity of the child to want to know. I’ve always been very open with my 13 year old about his adoption and will be with the 3 year old. When either gets to the point in life that they want to find their birth mother and are emotionally mature enough to handle the outcome of that, whichever way it goes, I will personally do all I can to help them. I will always be “mom” whether they have a relationship with their birth mother down the road or not. They were born under different circumstances, the first having a birth mother of 16 years old and the youngest being born to a 32 year old with 3 other children that conceived after a night of drinking with a one night stand whom she only knew by his first name. However, the reasons for both choosing adoption was very much the same. I am thankful to them for choosing adoption and not choosing to terminate their pregnancy.

• Zoe Marie
  Jan 26, 2007 at 9:42 am

  travelangel,
  I am going to share this because I hope that it let’s you know that your story is not uncommon. You are SO not alone. In Korea MOST birth fathers have no idea they every got anyone pregnant. If adopted from Korea you can pay a fee to have your birthmother contacted. The agencies does so and asks her if she would like to be contacted by you. Do you know that MOST of them reject. Most of them hide their pregnancies from their families and most have gone on to marry and have more children, all of which do not know that their mother (or wife) ever had a child in the past. I was told this by the founder of Korea’s 2nd largest adoption agency, so it should be accurate.

  Also my best friend is adopted. Before her Mother died, her mother contacted the birth mother of her children. She asked if they could meet each other. The birth mother said no because her husband and her sons do not know that she ever had another baby and made and adoption plan for it. Women of another generation feel great shame in being pregnant outside of marriage. I can not relate to the amount of shame they feel because it is does not make anyone a social outcast in American in 2007. In their ‘day’ no one would marry anyone who was not a virgin, they feel ruined for life. I am saying this to bring up the topic of social acceptance of unwed mothers, I am saying this to tell you that you are not alone. Your birth mother loves you, she would not have carried you if she did not. Please know that it is common to reject the reunion for reasons of shame or just because it is too much for them to handle emotionally. If the box carries pain, it must be easier to leave it closed.. tightly. I don’t dread the idea of my daughter asking to pay for a birthparent search, but I do dread the idea that maybe this birth mother may reject the reunion and break my babies’ heart. That rejection crushes me, I am not insecure about having them meet or me meeting her too.

  You are not alone, I hope it helps to know this.

• travelangel
  Jan 26, 2007 at 10:56 am

  zoe marie - i definitely wasnt upset that she wanted nothing to do with me.. to me it was a closed door. my parents were very open about giving me all the information and had no hestiation at all and stood behind me 100%. My only thinking at times is why do i look the way i do? i would love to stand behind a tree and peek… but i look at my son and he has my features so that has helped alot. i totally understand about her probably having shame and such for being 18 and in nursing school. I was told she had no prenatal care or anything so it must have been a “must keep secret” and thats okay and I can appreciate her options. And yes the alternative is i wouldnt be here! thanks for your nice note. take care.

• Gayle
  Jan 26, 2007 at 11:32 am

  travelangel . . .
  I can only hope that when my children may have to face this same possibility, that they will handle it with the same self assurance and possess the security with themselves that you have displayed. You’re an inspiration . . .

• travelangel
  Jan 26, 2007 at 12:10 pm

  gayle - no one can replace my parents they wiped my butt, burped me clothed me took me to school and most of all loved me… so for me it wasnt an issue.. and if she really did maybe want me i thought she would have tried.. being 42 has helped cause you are so much more mature… and my parents were on my side when i did it so therre wasnt any confrontation. thats why i have such mixed feelings about what allison is doing.. and i would love to hear more about the truth - not that it effects my life - but for more understanding…

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• Polly
  Feb 21, 2007 at 6:19 am

  Okay, so she had a nanny, she had family offering to help her, she parented the children for 6 weeks before she signed the papers, which she rescinded once and then went back to the same folks and gave the children up the second time, she had visitation rights, and she had a well-paying job that could have funded counseling, more nannies, etc etc. She also tried to extort money from the Needhams to pay for her in vitro. I think they actually gave her quite a bit of money; not as much as she wanted, but a nice tidy sum to pay for some of her medical bills.

  The fact is she signed those papers twice. This wasn’t a rash decision. She had plenty of time to decide; 6 weeks of parenting, and then the first signing and then the second signing a week or so later. She’s a big girl. We are all allowed to make decisions and then we must stick by them. She was signing a legal contract. She is old enough to know what that means.

  And her supporters are filling the internet with incredible sad tales of coersion and abuse by her lawyers. There are two sides to every story, and we haven’t heard the other side because of the Needham’s very wise decision to protect their children. I have more respect for them than for those who are anti-adoption fanatics.

  There is also the fact that she really is not the children’s biological mother. She gave birth to them, but she’s no more related to them than the Needhams. And her actions show that she is quite unstable mentally and has some ambivalence about being a parent. And kidnapping the children and taking them across the border??? What was she thinking? Well, unfortunately, she’s made quite a bed for herself, and now she has to lie in it.

• Zoe Marie
  Apr 12, 2007 at 3:00 pm

  Anyone see Allison Quets on Dr. Phil today ?? It was very different story than Nacy Grace painted when it was the subject of her show.

• Anoni Mouse
  Apr 12, 2007 at 3:58 pm

  Amraann,
  According to the affidavit, it was IVF with a donor egg and donor sperm.

  http://abclocal.go.com/images/wtvd/pdf/quetsmotion.pdf

• travel angel
  Apr 13, 2007 at 2:58 am

  justice will prevail… and now the truth and the rest of the story came out as you see above in the abclocal.go and i read the transcprits from dr.phil and he was so lame in his questioning. Basically it was all about her ‘disease’ she had at pregnancy. THe link below that anonimouse has tells it all… the adoptive parents should get the kids and allison should get to a mental institution not neccesarily jail. she does have some loose marbles!

• britney
  Apr 21, 2007 at 9:23 pm

  i know Allison on what I thought was a personal level. I am her hairdresser. Most people think you tell your hairdresser everything, but this is not true.We were pregnant at the same time and I did not see Allison for about 7 months but thought nothing of it because I was on maternity leave during her sickness, so I thought nothing of the fact that I didn’t see her for 7 months while she was on bed rest. When I saw her again in August( she had the babies in July) I noticed a difference in her hair, that it was a different texture and very thin! I told her she need to see her doctor because maybe her thyroid med. needed to be adjusted. I had no clue about the pregnancy. I only knew through her neighbor who was also a client of mine.I never told Allison that I knew about the pregnancy, but I do know that she wanted to have a baby very badly, but almost felt like her window of time was almost closed because she was a career woman. She took really good care of her so-called- boyfriend’s grand-daughter who’s mother was in and out of rehab.
  I most certantly believe that Allison had some post-pardum depression along with the horrible sickness. No one has really talked about that. I know from expierence than after a baby you can not make rational decisions especially if you are older(over30) and really want to have a baby( compared to people under 30 who just get pregnant “by mistake”. We have so much time to think about it and take it very seriously!! We want to be the best mommies ever!! If she felt that weak then I personally can understand why she felt that she couldn’t be the best mommy. I fortunatly have a husband who puts in 200% but who did she feel like she had?? Her so-called boyfriend wanted her to give them up!! She had no support( That she thought) He couldn’t even take care of his own grandaughter, she did. I don’t agree with what Allison did, but I can relate with the state of mind that she was in. I have been struggling for about 2 years with anxiety since and maybe before, I had my baby. I wanted to leave because I thought my husband did better with him & he liked him better, so they didn’t need me!!!!!!! Sounds stupid to a sane person, but after a baby you are not sane!!!!!! So, please have a little mercy on Allison because she thought she was doing what was best for the babies at the time,but she relized she was wrong and she deserves her right to be a mother to those babies who make her life worth living. please have compassion for a woman who so despratly wanted to have a baby that did all of that.

• travel angel
  Apr 22, 2007 at 4:24 pm

  Britney - thanks for your comments… i too kow allison thru the Y. But i have to disagree with many stuff you said… being pregnant me too 2 years ago… and i am older 42… my hair completely changed from straight to curly… i too had post pardom depression and realized it and still have small bouts of it… and look at yourself you realized it and are fine and dealt with the situation…. I realize she was a lot sicker then i was.. but if you read the affivdavid and the court records she knew what she was doing.. and as for her so called boyfriend… he didnt want them - so why would you keep a boyfriend around who doesnt support you or stand by you. That just shows even more bad judgement on her part. YOu can be a career woman and NOT have children and its okay… I feel she played with fire just trying to get pregnant…. i know she had the financial abilities but i sure dont think she had the mental stablility or else none of this would happen….. but this is just how i feel and i believe the courts will sort it out.. and i do give kudos to the people who have adopted them by NOT broadcasting and parading them all over the TV and such. I think allson is stooping to any level to get sympathy….

• Gayle
  Apr 23, 2007 at 6:51 am

  britney — As you can see from my earlier posts that I have much sypathy for Allison. I can totally understand feeling overwhelmed and believing you were doing the right thing. I am an adoptive mother and I thank God for my children (there’s 2) but the 2nd one came out of nowhere(had to be Heaven) and was born 28 days from first contact. I had just turned 40 and my husband 45. As much as we love our angel, her birth threw our lives into a tailspin. Our son was 10 so not only were we older, it had been a long time . . . also realizing we will be 63 and 59 when she graduates from high school. We don’t regret for a mino second traveling this road but I can definitely relate to being overwhelmed. Regarding Allison’s position as birth mom in relation to mine as adoptive mom, I have stated my position clearly in earlier posts. Those adoptive (???) parents should have returned those babies to Allison immediately. They are not putting those children FIRST. They are putting themselves first. If either of my birth mothers had been as indecisive as Allison and then changed her mind after being pressured to make a decision she was never comfortable with in the first place, I would have never proceeded any further. That baby would be with its birth mother. It would break my heart into a million pieces but better mine than theirs a few years down the road when they found out how their birth mother fought for them and I was the reason they were not with her.

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