Motherless: Stories of Emotionally Unavailable Moms
Now here’s one hell of a hard blog to read. Motherless is devoted to real stories by real people who have lost their mothers, physically or emotionally. It’s the latter stories that really knee you in the crotch. Take this tale from Jo of Jo’s Cafe, whose mom created an abusive home environment (a place that, as Jo writes, "would make an angel cringe"). The emotional torture has lasted well into Jo’s adulthood, to the point where Jo finally decided: "today I admit to God and everyone I know – I do not love my mother."
Is there a worse thing your own child can say about you?
Tags: emotional-abuse, jos-cafe, mother, motherlessRelated Stories
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3 opinions for Motherless: Stories of Emotionally Unavailable Moms
SouthernClass
Feb 14, 2009 at 1:15 pm
No there is nothing worse that your child can say about you. That means that you failed as a parent. I feel sorry for people out there that go through that and I hope that they are strong enough to know that it’s nothing that they did, it’s not their fault. My childhood wasn’t the best but I can say that my parents love me and I love them, I would probably be dead if it wasn’t for them.
Annie
Mar 25, 2009 at 9:59 pm
I do not love my mother. i have never loved my mother. She was the emotionally detatched person in my chilhood. She never harmed me physically but when she was there she was not….does that make sense. She was self involved, self absorbed, depressive, mean spirited, vindictive, cold but still very emotionless. Unless something upset her, like me being shy and people pointing this out. Then she would carry on with “why are you doing this to me?” Never thought to get me help, never wondered why I failed at school and had few friends, never wondered why I grew fat from comfort food and couldn’t hold down a job or finish my degree. Never bothered to ask why I cried and cried for days on end. Just told me to “get over myself”. I grew up, and although I am better I still suffer depression, I am anxious, I can’t even get a drivers license because the thought scares me. I struggle every day not to drink alcohol and eat til I vomit. i have a beautiful husband who is the antithesis of everything my mum is. Two lovely children. I hug and kiss them all the time, tell them how wonderful they are, I play with them and teach them and when my youngest looked like becoming a shy, depressive, I immediately got her into a child psychologist and she is now doing so well. Yay for me? I hope so. I hope I can continue to do well by them and not be my mother. My husband assures me I am not. Funny end to this, now my mother is frail and has to live with us. She’s still not any nicer, never talks to the kids and still asks “why does this happen to me” when it’s never about her, it never has been.
Stella
Jun 3, 2009 at 6:26 pm
My mother, although not a mean spirited person, was and is not “there” for me. I am still this little girl sometimes waiting for her to give me comfort when I talk to her about my problems - she just keeps quiet with a blank look on her face? Why? Because it’s “upsetting to her” that I am upset. She’d rather change the subject or make an excuse to get off the phone rather than be uncomfortable. She lives like a protected naive child, she chooses to be that way. I am confrontational rather than quiet(I abuse food when I don’t speak up or deal with things due to the emotions/discomfort - I wasn’t encouraged or told it was “okay” to get upset as a child if something is bothering me), when trying to talk with my mother, and instead she pushes me away further and that I am “mean”. These thoughts have led me to believe that I deserve bad things happen to me, for i am a bad person. My father passed away over a decade ago, and my mother is remarried to a wealthy man with OCD and it perpetuates her fantasy world she chooses to live in. I make her(and my brother too, he’s an alcoholic, no wonder) uncomfortable and she doesn’t try to learn how to be a comforting mom and it makes me sad. I am a mom, and I understand the pain as a mom when your child suffers, but it’s not about me when my child is suffering and that is what it’s about, and they never get too old to need comfort. My mom has decided I am grown and don’t need her that way and she doesn’t reach out - I have to beg for understanding and acknowledgement from her. At 40 I know I can’t change her, but realizing the mom I wanted her to be was an illusion all my life(seeing things clear now being a mom myself) makes me want to just not bother with her. Thank goodness she lives far away, for the anxiety that she has and projects unto me when she is in my presence is toxic. She doesn’t want to change and questions why my brother and I have our issues…. because she takes no responsibility for not being there for us. Calling us and asking how things are and not wanting to hear the answer if it’s “bad”(um mom get a clue life isn’t bad or good….it’s Life!!!)is not being there for us. Her guilt and her need to check in with us and then check out when it gets rough isn’t parenting nor is it helpful. I wish my mother would grow up, but in her mind she’s a “good person” and she’s done the best job she “knew how” - she doesn’t try to grow as a person or learn from anything and frankly I am tired of the excuses of her not knowing how to do things for when things go wrong - grown ups learn, they don’t throw their hands in the air and say “oh well, I don’t have a clue”. Pathetic.
Sorry, I am tired of feeling like a bitch and a “bad person” because I fend for myself, take care of business and try to gain knowledge to help my family and myself - and tired of being looked at by my mother like I am crazy and emotional for dealing with my problems and talking about them.
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